The Next Weiseth

incomplete conversations

2011-04-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

I realized the past few blogs have been mostly positive, cheery, life is great kind of posts. I wanted to share tonight a conversation that we had over the dinner table. It is a type of conversation we have daily. It's messy, incomplete and I am always left wondering what I should have said or what I shouldn't have said.

While eating dinner we were talking about what we were thankful for. Charlie and Naomi said "Meatballs". Levi said "MommyDaddy". Emelia said "That I had a sister". We prayed for dinner and then the conversation got messy.....

Naomi started to repeat her usual phrases, "You are my mommy. You are never going to leave me. My daddy is never going to leave me. You love me, etc.etc.etc." We actually have this conversation so often that I was starting to feel annoyed (it's pathetic but it's true). Then she talked a bit about her previous family.

I could tell Emelia was confused about something. She then said, "What if something happened and you couldn't take care of Naomi anymore. Would she go back to _____and ____?"

I was so shocked that Emelia asked this! Then I realized Emelia was verbalizing what Naomi was probably thinking. I quickly reaffirmed, " No, Naomi will always be my daughter. She will never have another Mother. She will always be in our family."

I thought that sounded pretty good. But it didn't satisfy my curious one.

Emelia then followed my comment with this question: "But mom, what if something really bad happens and you can't....."

Well I snapped at her quickly and maybe a bit to harsh. I said to her: "Emelia, would anything stop you from being my daughter?"

She responded appropriately, "no".

"Naomi is the same. Just like you will always be my daughter, so will she. She is a part of our family now. Nothing will change that. Got it?"

Emelia actually looked surprised. I guess I take for granted how much our mature 5 year old understands. I just think I need to say it once or maybe twice and they will get it. I am starting to realize this messy conversation is going to be a daily one for a LONG time.

After dinner Naomi was disobedient and got a "time in" As she was laying over my legs she kept crying, "You are my mommy! You love me!". I used to think she was saying this to be a bit manipulative (as she frequently is). I realized tonight she was saying it to herself to remind herself where she stands. So as she was crying I said, "Naomi, I am your mommy. I love you. I am your mommy. I love you." over and over again.

I just want her to look into my eyes and get it. To get I am not going to leave her....even when I am annoyed, sick, tired, etc. She does get it for that moment....but 5 mins later...she's not so sure. I guess I should start loving this conversation. I should start seeing it as opportunity and not a failure on my behalf (of not convincing her that I love her).

My heart is heavy tonight. I go back to work tomorrow. I work as a RN and my days are long. I am gone before the kids wake up and home after they are in bed. To Noami, tomorrow is going to feel like I left. I am just praying that God will comfort her heart and give her peace that I will return....for more messy days and messy conversations.

Adoption (finalization) Day!

2011-04-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

Today we had the privilege of finalizing our adoption of Naomi. We also were able to officially change her name to Naomi Weiseth. It was such a special day for our family. We chose to keep her previous first name as her middle name. As much as I would selfishly like to erase her previous life...it is her story and a part of her. We chose to change her first name officially to Naomi. Our family had been praying for "Naomi" for almost 3 years now. Symbolically we wanted her to own those prayers, thoughts, dreams and plans. (Also, for her privacy and protection since this was a local domestic adoption.)

(THE KEY PLAYERS: JoAnn Vesper-social workers, Anita Farris- Judge, Emelia, Charlie, Levi, Amber, Naomi, Andrew and Sabrina Layman-lawyer)

Shout out for JoAnn: When we first were required to do a homestudy for Levi's adoption, I thought it was all for the agency, paperwork...blah, blah, blah. I was so incredibly wrong...or maybe so incredibly blessed. I assume some social workers out there are just there to ask the questions, fill in the blanks, stamp the papers and that's it. Our social worker, JoAnn Vesper (works with Agape Adoptions www.agapeadoptions.org ) is so opposite to that. She not only has done an amazing job with the required papers but she has given us access to a wealth of support and knowledge...herself. We have been so blessed to have JoAnn in our lives. She was incredibly instrumental in both Levi's and (even more so) Naomi's adoption. She has been such an encouragement. I am such a better Mommy because of her. Thank you JoAnn!

Our lawyer, Sabrina A. Layman, was amazing! She was more than we ever could have expected. This is her helping the kids stamp the copies of the adoption degree. If you need an adoption lawyer in Seattle/Everett area...give her a call.

Celebratory lunch at Alfy's Pizza

I still cannot believe how fast this has happened. 11 weeks ago, we first got the call for a possible adoption of Naomi. Now we are fully legit and adopted. She is a Weiseth. What an amazing journey God has us on.

one last pic: (Naomi skin-to-skin in the Moby. Some much needed Kangaroo care after a busy few days)

2011-04-18T21:14:00.000-07:00

Girls causing trouble!

This picture is funny because it makes Naomi look a lot taller than Levi. They are actually the same height. She has him in a strangle hold and is pushing him down. But still, they are smiling and happy.
Dear Mr Garbage truck, could you please come every morning to our house. It is such a sweet moment when all eyes are on you (and not me!). I am actually peacefully rocking in a chair and drinking coffee for 3 whole minutes as you so beautifully collect and carry our trash away.

Such sweet love between these two!

Here we are again...dressed as animals instead of children. These kids LOVE LOVE LOVE to dress up.

Emelia and Naomi's favorite game together is this:

1.) Emelia dresses like a horse

2.) Naomi dresses like a princess

3.) Princess sits in Radio Flyer wagon

4.) Horse ties a jump rope to the wagon handle and loops back

5.) Horse girl puts rope around her belly and runs

6.) Horse girl continues runny wildly through the yard while pulling wagon. The horse begins neighing as loud as humanly possible.

7.) Princess vacillates between sheer delight and sheer terror.

8.) Fight off intruding brothers

8.) Repeat all day

Naomi has been in our home now for 6 weeks. The past week we have made some huge improvements in attachment and behavior. Instead of constant demands for food, water, being held, etc., she now seems to trust that those things will come to her. It was surprising to me the first month. I would be making lunch for the kids and she would start demanding food. It's like she didn't actually believe I was going to feed her the food I was making. Her first response was that she needed to fight for it. She's a fighter. Which is a great thing because the loss and hardships she has experienced (and will experience) are not going to slow her down. It has been nice the past week to see her settle into knowing that we will...

-feed her

-hold her

-read to her

-keep her safe

-not hurt her

-not leave her

-protect her

-play with her

it seems like small things...and they are...but they are also huge. 6 weeks ago I taught Naomi how to cuddle. Today, when I put her to bed, she cuddled under my arm, put her head on my chest, clutched my shirt, sucked her thumb...then looked up into my eyes and said, "You are my Mommy. You love me. You are never going to leave me. You are going to keep me safe. I love you too, Mommy...and I need a kiss." She was peacefully asleep 30 seconds later. I lay there just thanking God for this blessing. I prayed over her, her sleep, her anxieties, her future, etc. I felt as if God whispered to me, "This pleases me."

Quiet

2011-04-01T21:28:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe but Naomi has been with our family almost a month. The time has literally flown by. The first few weeks I felt like I was on a caffeine drip, constantly alert and never resting. Now that we have begun to get into a rhythm and I finally feel like my brain can slow down.

There is a verse in Isaiah 30 that has been resonating in my head and heart:

"In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength."v.15

My quiet times these days are nothing to brag about and are not what I would exactly hope for. But several times a day I sit and just connect. I am not reading, not studying, not planning, not asking, not moving....just sitting in the presence of my Lord. It may last 10 seconds or 10 mins before someone has an emergent need to potty!!!!! or gets hurt or needs a snack RIGHT NOW!!!!! I may not have a brain but I have a heart that is attached closely to my savior. I need Him, not just in the morning or evening, but all day.

I am grafted to Him.

Beach Pictures

2011-03-25T20:12:00.000-07:00

"Hey, I thought I was the baby!!!!!!"

Our 4 beautiful babes!

picture blast

2011-03-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Our family!

This trampoline has been a life saver. Every afternoon (rain or shine) we head out for some much needed large muscle movement. Against all manufactures recommendation the 5 or 6 of us jump all together...it's awesome!

The littlest two just waking up. Sitting in front of the fire on the elmo couch.

"Helping" mom get the garden ready.

My laundry diva. As you can see from the photos...yes, we pretty much let the kids wear whatever they like.

I cannot believe we have had Naomi in our home for almost 2 weeks now. The first few days were a bit wild but things have definitely started to settle. She has been calling us Mommy and Daddy from day one. She loves, loves, loves to be carried, snuggled, rocked and kissed. Every morning she wakes up and asks to come into our bed to snuggle. It's like she has a touch bank that was in serious negative and now we get to fill it up. I have a very small bubble and love to cuddle so this assignment is right up my alley.

Sleeping has been great as well. So far she has slept 11-12 hours straight. I usually read to her and lay with her for a few minutes. Tonight she asked if she could lay on Mommy skin while we cuddled. She tried to use my stomach as a pillow until she decided it was much too noisy for sleeping.

She has been eating and eating and eating. She has already gained 2 lbs. She is now 28 lbs! We have been struggling a bit with digestive issues but taking her off cows milk and giving her probiotics has made a HUGE difference.

Sibling relations have been getting better. She no longer runs to me shrieking when ever Levi makes a loud noise....which is about every 5 mins. She loves to play with Emelia and Charlie. Levi LOVES her but she could do without him. He literally follow her around all day.

God has been blessing us more then I could imagine. The love I have for this girl is exponential every day. I thought it would be much harder to attach to an "older" child but it has so far been easier. Sometimes I think about what a crazy decision we made to adopt this girl all within 3 weeks. Totally nuts, right? ...But when I am with her it feels that all along God was preparing me to be her Mommy.

Anyways, my brains capacity has lowered...and I think I may be rambling...and I am too tired to proof read what I wrote. So here it is! Enjoy the pics!

Introducing....

2011-03-10T20:14:00.001-08:00

Silence
So it's been a bit since I last blogged...yep, almost 8 months. So what the heck? Well a lot has been happening in the Weiseth household and I decided tonight was the night to break the silence.

What Happened?
We were in the process of adopting from Ghana last summer. Things sort of slowed down in the country during some investigations of Ghanaian officials. When they reopened the rules were a bit more strict. Therefore, we no longer could qualify in Accra for a child between the ages of 0-4. There were other "possible" options but at that point we didn't have peace to continue on our adoption journey in Ghana...The door was closed. So we asked for our dossier back in October 2010. But it was strange...since 2008 we had been praying for another daughter, Naomi. I honestly don't think a day went by that we didn't pray for her as a family. The kids cannot remember a time without this sometime sister. We thought we might try again in a few years. We tried to convince the kids that it was going to be along time until Naomi came to our family. We tried to move on.

SIDE NOTE:
At the same time our middle son was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. We felt this was God's way of closing the door to another child so we could focus on getting our son the help he needed. So within a few months we were in therapy and a special preschool...Charlie began to flourish.
Life seemed to be cruising along. We then decided to sell our house. Since we weren't going to be spending 20K on a daughter we thought this might be the time to move out of our 1 bathroom house. So we worked like crazy, with the help of our amazing friends, to get our house ready to sell. Except that it didn't. It was on the market for 2 months when we got a SURPRISE PHONE CALL.......

OUT OF THE BLUE
It was Tuesday, February 9th, 2011 at 5pm. Our lovely and talented social worker from Levi's adoption and our unsuccessful Ghana adoption called. She was making small talk and asking how we were doing. It seemed odd for her to be calling...Then my friends just showed up as I was suppose to be babysitting their 2 kids. So I bluntly said, "Is there something you need or can I call you back?" (at this point I was hiding behind my closed bedroom door while chaos was happening in the living room.) She said the most shocking and utterly surprising thing:
"Are you still interested in adopting?"
I think I uttered a few confused, umms and then said yes.
She then proceed to tell me about a 3.5 year old girl who was in immediate need of a new family. She also proceeded to tell me our homestudy was mostly still good and she could easily update it. Our FBI fingerprints were good for another month. She asked if I could be off work..."um yes, I had been saving time off to go to Ghana."
So basically we had the money, the time off, the homestudy, the previous desire for a 3-4 year old girl to join our family. Now all we had to do was pray...

Whirlwind
The next 3 weeks were crazy. It didn't make sense but Andrew and I had the most amazing peace to proceed. God continued to supply our needs and give us the courage to step forward. We used Agape Adoptions (www.agapeadoptions.org) to complete our adoption. JoAnn and Myriam were amazing. They were basically on-call to the Weiseth family for 3 weeks. We had such a wonderful, supportive experience and recommend them highly.
On March 5th, 2011 we adopted and welcomed Naomi M. Weiseth into our home. She has been with us 6 days so far and things are going really well. Tonight as I write this..I still in awe of what God has done. How is has orchestrated to the smallest detail this little girl coming into our home. I won't go into her story but that it delights me to someday be able to explain to her that God planted a seed in our hearts for her almost 3 years before we met her. That he led us to pray for her daily protection and needs. That he gave us love for her long before we knew her...that he loved her so much that he never abandoned her but made a rescue plan which we are privileged to be apart of.

So Surprise, to you and to us! We have a new daughter.

Mommy (yes, i am in pj's), Levi- 2 yrs, Charlie 3.5 yrs (horse costume), Emelia 5 yrs (pj's), Naomi 3.5 years (princess)

With 4 little kids there is no time to download the cute new pics. So here is a picture of real life... our first dinner as a family...minus the incredibly wonderful photographer, daddy.

Summer love

2010-07-31T21:34:00.000-07:00

This summer has been cruising by. I can hardly believe August is just around the corner. It has been busy...like every summer. This summer has been extra special for me and this quote sums it up:
"And I have had time to carry my tired, oppressed heart to my compassionate Savior and to tell Him what I cannot utter to any human ear. How strange it is that when, through many years of leisure and strength, prayer was only a task, it is now my chief solace if I can only snatch time for it." - Stepping Heavenward by Mrs. E Prentiss

This summer I have been reading through the bible. I am almost finished with the old testament and cannot wait to jump into reading about my Savior's life on earth. I have been learning what it means to depend on him fully. All available moments have been spent reading My bible or on my knees. It has been a rich summer full of blessing.

Our dossier has made in to Ghana and we are awaiting a referral. I am excited but not anxious. I have no idea as to when to expect a referral but we are not planning any time soon.

I promise pictures with my next post.

Dossier done

2010-06-01T19:28:00.000-07:00

We finished our Dossier today. We were even able to send it via email to Ghana. Some families will be traveling to Ghana this month and hopefully they will hand deliver the originals. Some time in the next few weeks, Romana (the director of Beacon House) will take our dossier to the office of Social Welfare. I am assuming we will get an application at this time. (We have to apply to SW as well). This process is so far going "smoothly" but there are many areas of grey. The process is confusing and not as streamlined as Ethiopia. The lack of my blogging is largely due to the fact that I don't know exactly what is next. As Carrie put it, "Welcome to independent adoption!"

So what is next?

1.) Get re-fingerprinted for our immigration clearance to adoption from Ghana. i-171H

2.) What to hear from Romana regarding Social Welfare

3.) Get prepared for our fireworks fundraiser which will be in Bothell.

4.) PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! for our daughter, for her birth family, for the process, for SW to accept our family, for the finances, etc.

Passed another hurtle

2010-05-08T21:48:00.001-07:00

We were officially approved to work with Beacon House on thursday. It was bitter sweet news. The way adoptions work in Ghana is that the Social Welfare for Ghana decides whether a family can adopt from Ghana or not. They also give out referrals. In Ethiopia the individual agencies (like AGCI, Gladney, etc) were responsible for referrals.

The news of our acceptance into the Beacon House program also had a statement regarding thepossibility of Social Welfare (within the Ghanaian government) denying us based on our family makeup. Especially the fact that our children are all young and that we have requested a young child (0-4yr). So given this info we have a few choices. We can move forward, completing our dossier, sending it to Ghana and then wait to hear whether Social Welfare will approve us or not. Or, we may be able to wait on completing our dossier and just send our homestudy to see if they will make a decision based on that. That is currently the avenue we are trying to take but the timing may not work out.

When I read this info my heart sunk. There is such a big part of me that wants this to be "easy". As if easy means God is behind it. Maybe it is just pride....that if Ghana denies us then we made the wrong choice, wrong country, wrong program, etc. Then I was reminded of a few things. A blog I love posted this recently which speaks to suffering within orphan care and adoption. That suffering is not equated with being out of God's will.

www.onethankfulmom.com (She links to a John Piper Sermon- What does it mean to live by faith in service to the Fatherless.)

I was also reminded that every adoption is difficult. Domestic, foster, international. All have the good, bad and ugly sided. Sometimes I feel that it is a full on spiritual World War 3. Then I have to remind myself that our journey to our daughter is about God placing an orphan within our family. It isn't about getting what we want, when we want, how we want. Everything about my flesh wants it the WAY I WANT IT!! I fight this everyday. Tonight as I sit in eager anticipation/hopelessness all in one, I repeat over and over "Not my will but yours. Not my will but yours. Not my will but yours.

Big Announcement-Part 2 (finally)

2010-05-04T20:14:00.000-07:00

I have been waiting for the official "green light" for our adoption of Naomi to post the details. It seems that is taking "forever" so I will post anyway.

Andrew and I have applied to adopt from Ghana. We are hoping to do a private adoption with the assistance of Beacon house http://beaconhouseghana.org/ . The application process typically takes 3 weeks, however our volunteer adoption coordinator just brought home her newly adopted son from Ghana. It's been a little over 3 weeks. So we wait. Well in the meantime, we are busily getting everything else in order so we can move forward once (if?) we are officially accepted into their program.

Last Thursday we had our homestudy visit. We were blessed to use our previous social worker from AGCI. We absolutely ADORE her. We did Levi's 1 year post placement and our homestudy update at the same time. Beautiful!

We have our dossier 95% complete. Once we receive our new homestudy we will apply for an extension of our I-171H. When you adopt internationally you have to have permission from the USCIS to immigrate a child. We previously were approved for 2 children. Levi was one of them. Now we can ask for a free extension, free country change, and free re-fingerprinting for this adoption. Awesome! The word free is very uncommon in the adoption process.

Once we receive this wonderful piece of paper we will send our dossier to Ghana. Then more waiting as will wait for a match of a child. We have requested a girl 0-4yrs. The wait time in a bit unclear. Could be up to 6 months. The process in Ghana is less streamlined as compared to Ethiopia. There were over 2000 adoptions in Ethiopia to the US in 2009 and only 120 from Ghana. As far aw we can tell the adoption part in relatively easy but the visa and passports part is drama, drama, drama.

So there you go Part 2 is out. Hopefully we will receive our acceptance into their program and we will continue to move forward. If we don't...... not sure. More praying. More waiting on God.

Big Announcement-Part 1

2010-04-15T21:33:00.000-07:00

We are adopting again! ........

Waiting on God- Naomi

2010-04-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

There has been a bit of purposeful silence on my part. I felt a few months ago that God really wanted me to be still and wait for him. I was suppose to be patient and listen. Then the waiting went to wrestling. After a period of intense emotional and spiritual battle I am experiencing joy and faith.

Waiting in so interesting. One day I looked up all the verses in the bible that referenced waiting on God. There were quite a few. The consistent theme was that there was joy in waiting on God. I HATE waiting. I am a do-er kind of person. I make a plan and then I execute the plan in the shortest time possible. At first I was annoyed. I wanted so badly to know, "are we or aren't we". I just wanted to know either way if God wanted us to start our next adoption. (side note:We were approved by immigration USCIS for 2 children. We adopted Levi and technically we are still able to adopt another. We are allowed one free extension until 12/2011, one free country change and one free fingerprinting. So we had to decide whether or not to use this or to let it lapse.) But day after day of calling out to God, listening and waiting I can say with confirmation that I am closer to God now than a few months ago. If that is my main priority in life, to be close to God, I should be ok with the waiting. "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his God pleasure. "-Phil 2:12.

As for Andrew (I always hate to speak for him in case I misrepresent) but he is on this same journey. He has said many times to me the past few weeks..."the word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."- Psalm 119:105. He has been on my knees before the Lord, deep in scripture, waiting to be confirmed. In the past I might have stated particular information to try to sway Andrew's opinion. yes I can be persuasive. I have been so conscious not to do this. I want Andrew to receive confirmation from Lord because he is the head of our home. Ultimately he is responsible for what happens with our children and our finances. He has to be 100% sure that God has called us to Naomi right now. I don't want to be home with 4 kids and a bitter husband who felt I pushed him into it. I am totally content to wait. Like I said... waiting is the theme right now. Waiting on God. Waiting on my husband. "Fear not, Daniel (Andrew), for from the first day that you set your heart to understand and humbled yourself before your God your words have been heard, and I have come because of your words." -Daniel 10:12 (Andrew shared this verse with me yesterday that he felt God had given to him.)

We set a date for Easter to make a decision regarding whether to move forward to wait. That would be tomorrow. SO stay tuned for more info.

On other news, we received our FBI clearance yesterday. It was taking people about 12 weeks to get them but somehow ours came in 8 weeks.

The family... all US citizens

2010-03-12T22:05:00.000-08:00

It was actually weeks ago that Levi became a US citizen....but we got a new camera and I couldn't figure out how to post pics to the blog. Here is a recent picture of our family. All 5 of us US citizens.

Clarity

2010-03-06T22:23:00.000-08:00

Neither go back in fear and misgivings to the past, nor in anxiety and forecasting to the future; but lie quiet under His hand, having no will but his.

-H.E. Manning

I have been meditating on this sentence the past few weeks. When my mind starts to buzz with questions, doubts and anxieties I am reminded of this. Lying under his hand, desiring nothing but God's will for me.

Today I had an awesome quiet time, full of desire for God's will. This time produced a peace that I haven't felt in days. I have been studying the book of John this year with BSF and have noticed a strong theme the past few weeks. Jesus states several times that if we ABIDE in Him, we Should ask and Should expect to receive. John also repeats this in 1 john.

John 14:14 "If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it."

John 15:7 "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."

John 16: 24 "Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full."

1 John 5:15 "And we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked him:"

For some odd reason, I don't ask. I ask for the little things. I teach my kids to ask. But something in my is afraid to ask for the big things. Afraid that if it doesn't go as I imagine I will be let down. I don't want to feel disappointed by God.

So today I prayed aloud a simple yet freeing prayer:

"Father, I ask that you give us a daughter.

I trust in your timing.

I trust in your provision.

I trust that you will guide Andrew and I to her."

There I asked.

God spoke to Andrew and I about a year ago that we would have another daughter. We have struggled with doubt in ourselves and in God's plan. We feel the pressure from doubts around us-From our coworkers to family members to church friends. We have heard your doubts and concerns. But today I chose not to listen and to remember that voice that so clearly has spoken to me about that orphan child. I Chose to ask for that promised gift.

now we will see. When and where and how is left to be discovered.

coming out of silence

2010-02-27T13:00:00.001-08:00

This has been my longest blogging break. There are many reasons: Shingles, Trip to New York, TB test positive for Levi, Starting his treatment, watching my BFF's kids 2-3 days a week, visiting friends, etc. All of these things have been taking up my time but maybe the biggest reason is for my inward struggle. My thought life is completely dominated by this question:

What is God's will for us? (specifically with Naomi). I struggle between radically living out the gospel and prudence and protection of what God has blessed us with.

I read this blog post today that was recommended by a friend. It summarizes some of my own thoughts. I hope you read it and really think about it.

http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-dont-want-my-children-to-be-happy.html

Hopefully it won't be another month before I write again.

Another big week

2010-02-05T20:07:00.000-08:00

The week started with a visit with a good Hannah's Hope buddy. Here is a picture of Levi and Abel. We traveled together and enjoyed many memorable moments together. It was fun to see how big the boys have grown.

Then Andrew and I got our FBI fingerprints done. The same lovely lady did ours last time as well. We are slowly getting stuff together for our homestudy update. We still haven't decided an agency for sure. We are hoping to adopt a 4 year old girl. We may not be able to do that because of the age difference between Emelia and Charlie is only 21 months. MOWA- in Ethiopia"requires" (according to gladney) a 1 year age gap between the adopted child and siblings. So if we get a big fat NO, we may go for another baby. Or wait awhile longer.

Then moments later we were at the car dealership purchasing our first car. That's correct. We have been married for 8 years and have never purchased a car. We got a 2006 8-passenger Toyota Sienna with very low miles. I love it! The kids love it!

The week wasn't completely all fun and giggles. Levi tested positive for TB so we get to take a little visit to Seattle Children's hospital. So not looking forward to this. Then Charlie developed Shingles. Didn't know a 2 year old could even get them. So my little man is wearing long sleeves and a glove on his one hand- all day. According to his pediatrician they cannot be transmitted if they are covered. So we ran around today with Charlie wearing one purple glove- then we bought some blue ones. In the past 24 hours I have spoken with the pediatric nurses 5 times.

What a crazy week!

big day

2010-01-26T20:14:00.000-08:00

Several great things happened today:

1.) Andrew and I got to spend 4 hours just the two of us!

2.) We received Levi's SSN in the mail! Can file those taxes now.

3.) The USCIS cashed our check for Levi's US citizenship. Hopefully that means he's official. After returning to the SSN office to change his citizen status we will be COMPLETELY done with paperwork!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4.) We decided the next car we hope to purchase: Toyota Sienna 8 passenger- will be needing those extra seats.

5.) We are 90% sure the agency and age we will be pursuing for Naomi. See what can happen in 4 hours.

THE BEST NEWS OF ALL:

5.) Our church approved our community group to start an ABBA fund (A no-interest adoption loan program) and granted us $10,000 to get it started!

Week in pictures

2010-01-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

Levi is finally loving to cuddle.

Watch out... Levi is officially walking!

Sometimes it is like this:

But mostly like this:

Captivated

2010-01-12T20:02:00.000-08:00

referral picture march 19,2009

When we first started our adoption of Levi I thought we will adopt him and be done. 3 kids seemed like "a lot" and "good enough". James 1:27- check! Then about half way through we both felt God telling us we would bring home a daughter some day (in addition to Levi). Really 4 kids? In our "little" 3 bedroom 1 bath house. So fast forward about a year. Levi had been home 6 months and Andrew and I are moving forward to raise funds for Naomi...details to be disclosed when final decisions are made. We are praying and seeking God's wisdom in all of this.

In our hearts something much bigger is happening. We have BOTH been completely captivated by God's calling on our lives to father(and mother) the fatherless. I have told people we will stop after Naomi. 4 sounds good. Not sure we can afford any more. Already living in organized chaos. But will we really be able to stop. NO.

Maybe we will be THAT family who ends up adopting 6+ kids. Maybe we will fundraise for other families hoping to adopt. Maybe we will move to Africa. I really do not know what God holds for us but I do know

We say: "YES"

God, if you ask we will obey. We will love and protect your children. We will defend and fight for orphans.

Living in God's calling is the BEST!! Nothing is sweeter. Nothing gives more joy!

Happy BIRTHday Levi!

2010-01-09T14:16:00.000-08:00

Thank you Mama T for laboring and bringing Levi into this world. Thank you for carrying him in these arms to my mine. I pray that your arms, now empty, would be filled with joy of knowing my love for our son.

LABOR OF MY HEART

I would have given anything
to be the one to know
the pain of bringing you into this world
but it couldn’t be…

Though I did not bring you here
still I labored in my tears
through the long nights I prayed
you would come to me…

You are the labor of my heart Child,
you are the labor of my heart
with all my strength I prayed
till they laid you in my arms Child,
you are the labor of my heart…

Blessed be the maker
of bone of other bone.
He make flesh of my desire
and today I take you home…

You are the labor of my heart Child,
you are the labor of my heart
with all my strength I prayed
till they laid you in my arms Child,
you are the labor of my heart Child,
you are the labor of my heart…

--Author Unknown

left over Christmas cards?

2010-01-05T19:41:00.000-08:00

We have decided to add to our family worship every day with prayer for other families. We collected all our Christmas cards and put them all together. The kids get to pick a family to pray for during our time. Today they picked Todd, Christine and Emily. Little Emily had surgery this week for a finger- door mishap.

If you have left over cards and want the Weiseths to be praying for you during 2010, please send us a photo or photo card to :

WineStyles- Andrew Weiseth

2283 Bothell Everett Hwy

Bothell, WA 98024

If you already sent us a card, consider yourself prayer for this year. We will be looking at your sweet pictures all year long.

Also, I led the music part of family worship today. I just learned to play guitar and have "mastered" a few songs. I love to sing out to God. Thank you Andrew for teaching me to play.

Weiseth Christmas 2009

2009-12-26T19:56:00.000-08:00

Our Christmas morning began with stocking gifts and then snuggling with toys received the night before. Charlie is in love with this bike...as you can see.

Emelia made us breakfast tea with her Addy doll.

After Breakfast and family worship we headed out for a walk. Such a beautiful day!

In the afternoon we reenacted the Christmas story with our little people nativity set.

Then we had a candlelight dinner. So... I completely forgot to thaw the turkey so we had pretzel crusted chicken breast with a creamy cheese mustard sauce. Totally nontraditional but completely yummy!

Earlier, while the boys were sleeping, Emelia and I made a Birthday cake for Jesus. We sang and ate cake after dinner.

Andrew and I were busy putting Emelia and Levi to bed. Charlie was being so good and quiet. That should have been a warning that something was happening...

(Charlie found Emelia's new Mr.Sniff markers)

This was the first Christmas since our honeymoon that we spent it with our immediate family. It was wonderful! Very calm and special.

Christmas day also had another special meaning to us (besides the birth of our savior). The day also marked Levi's time WITH us as the same amount of days as WITHOUT us. His first 5.5 months were spent in an orphanage and Hannah's Hope. His second 5.5 months were in our family. I cannot believe he has almost been home 6 months. In 2 weeks he will be a 1 year old! This has been a very blessed and wonderful year!

REadoption day pic

2009-12-17T21:54:00.000-08:00

A lovely AGCI friend, Erin, sent me this picture. I just love it! We readopted our boys the same day in Bellingham. If you look close to the picture you can see that we are raising our right hands promising to take care of Levi always, to protect and love him.

Emelia's quote of the day: "I know what Naomi wants for Christmas! All she wants is us...a family!" (For those of you who don't know who Naomi is: She is our future daughter. We are all pretty sure we will be adopting again. Emelia has everything all planned out.)

From 2 to 1

2009-12-15T12:52:00.000-08:00

8 years ago Andrew and I were married. It was an amazing day! All day I have been smiling just thinking about my husband and how God has been so faithful to us. When I graduated high school I felt God telling me I needed to prepare to be a wife. Well I really didn't know much at 17 about being a wife. So I read every book I could find in the Christian book store. My friends, for good reason, thought I was crazy. 3 months later I met Andrew at Seattle Pacific University. We became best friends very quickly. At Thanksgiving break from school my aunt asked if I had "met any boys?". I told her about Andrew and how i thought he was the type I wanted to marry but we were just friends. Andrew was an amazing friend. He loved me regardless of my moods, made me laugh, taught me to how to have fun, he enjoyed all the little things in life. He was a joy to me. Around Christmas time 10 years ago we had a DTR (Define the relationship) talk. We decided to pray for 3 days and then talk again about whether we should date. We loved our friendship and didn't want to ruin that. We also decided to only date if we thought we could marry the other person. This sounds so serious and a bit crazy but.....God was so much a part of bringing us together that we really wanted to obey Him. So we started dating December 27, 1999.

fast forward... Andrew proposed December 27, 2000. Then we were married December 15, 2001.

The past 8 years have been full. we have moved 6 times (in the first 6 years), 3 kids, several different jobs and lots of other craziness. In all of that we have been blessed infinitely. I used to worry we might "grow apart" since we were married so young. I had heard that from several people. I was pondering this a lot today and I don't think it is possible to grow apart if you both are loving Jesus and spending time with Him. God created marriages. He created woman and man to be together. (I am trying to type this while holding both the boys. So I end with this.) We are not the perfect couple, our personalities are not perfectly complementary, we still fight, misunderstand each other and get annoyed. Over the past 8 years we have put a lot of work into our marriage and have spent a lot of time with Jesus. We are still growing more and more together to being ONE than apart. I am so thankful for this!

AHHH.. must get boys off me now! bed time!

picture blast

2009-12-08T19:54:00.000-08:00

Fun pictures from the week....

Picnic outside on the patio. Yes it is freezing outside but this all took place on a Daddy Day while I was at work.

Emelia and I just finished reading The Wizard of Oz. Andrew helped her make this costume...also on Daddy Day.
I love having a husband who loves being a Dad. He is so creative and purposeful with our children. I don't have a picture but Andrew started Family Worship about a month ago. Every morning before he leaves for work we sit down as a family and worship. We sing songs, read the bible, confess our sins and pray. I love it! Our kids love! Charlie says, "Family worship time! Yeah!" (while clapping wildly).

Okay, the next pictures happened on my watch. I came upon my daughter cleaning out Levi's toe jam. What is even more amazing is that earlier I found her holding Charlie down, ripping his socks off and cleaning his toe jam as well. By the way, I have NEVER cleaned the toe jam out from any of my kids. She didn't learn this from me. This is completely her idea!

This afternoon I took the kids to my parent's boat (They live on it). Here are some cute pictures of the visit.

re-adoption day and attachment

2009-11-27T20:35:00.001-08:00

November 20th we participated in the National Adoption Day event in Bellingham, WA. It was an amazing experience. I am so glad our social worker pushed us to get our papers in and get 'er done. Degefa Andrew Weiseth is now officially Levi Degefa Weiseth.

The court room where we his readoption took place. Each child received a teddy bear and the sibling received bunnies.

This is Levi about ready to go before the judge. We were the first family of about 30.

Just celebrating with new friends

Still loves to nap in the ergo. I don't know what I would do without it.

Attachment: Levi started to crawl about 2 weeks ago. Now he follows me all over the house and pulls up on furniture. He's got skills. Last week he started the get purposely affectionate. He had only cuddled before when he was tired or asleep. The past week he has been crawling to me and laying his head on my foot, leg, chest (where ever) and cuddling for 2-3 secs. Then he is off again. When I sit on the floor he does this about every 5 mins. It is so cute and it completely melts me. Our attachment has grown over the past few weeks so much. It seems that most people "feel attached" to their adopted children right away. That they love them SOOOO much. While this is true it I don't think I realized how much ATTACHMENT is a process. It is a journey. It is not just lovingly taking care of someone. It is the mutual osmosis of love, trust and affection. Levi and I have had our ups and downs. Some days I felt like I...well I won't say it. We had some hard days. It is awesome to see how far we have come.

Want to save money?

2009-11-25T10:47:00.000-08:00

Here's some top-level advice from the Weiseth Dad:

Wouldn't it be great if you could get two of your kids to sleep on one mattress? And, what if you didn't even need a frame? "But Andrew, how would I accomplish such a simplifying, space saving & cost effective thing as this" you ask? Simple! Just buy them a bunk bed.

Sister kiss

2009-11-16T21:41:00.000-08:00

Emelia loves being a big sister. She is very good at helping me take care of her brothers. When we come inside the house she helps Charlie take off his shoes. When Levi is fussing, she carries him to me or gives him a toy. She pleads EVERY day for a sister. She wants so badly for us to find "Naomi". Here are a few Emelia quotes from this week:

"Naomi is still in Ethiopia. We HAVE to find her soon."

"I have been thinking about it all day...Here is a penny to buy a van. Then we can get Naomi."

"Being a big sister is a lot of work. I hope Naomi is bigger so she can be the big sister."

Andrew and I have felt for quite awhile that God had another daughter for us. We have no idea as to when, where, or how. Please join us in praying for Naomi. Pray that God will direct us and provide. Consider this your unofficial announcement that we are making steps towards being a family of 6.

Photo update

2009-11-13T21:25:00.000-08:00

I am a little late on this one: but yes we did go get pumpkins. It was a beautiful day. I somehow forgot about how muddy pumpkin patches are. I also didn't account for carrying Levi on my back and Charlie on my front (he was freaked out for some reason). So now how was I suppose to carry a pumpkin? Next year.... well, maybe we will skip next year and get one at the grocery store.

Brothers

Getting to be so big....in the booty.

EYES:

Blue eye boy: Andrew

Blue eye girl: Emelia

Green eye boy: Charlie

Green eye girl: Amber

Brown eye boy: Levi

Brown eye girl: to be continued....

plenty

2009-11-10T10:51:00.000-08:00

Feeling thankful today.

Feeling thankful of having plenty.

Actually overflowing.

Most of our closets are overflowing with clothes, food, crayons, etc.

We are not rich in the US but we live like Kings and Queens compared to most the world.

Wondering if we have enough for another child.

Dreaming of Naomi.

Still doesn't make "sense".

We have been blessed with so much...so much to give.

Finally did it!

2009-11-06T20:09:00.000-08:00

I am not sure really what took me so long. ...

or really why I did it tonight but.....

I am now officially on facebook

Anyone want to be my friend? (I feel like I am in elementary school again)

Another Highlight of the Year -with a Side of Irony (by Andrew)

2009-11-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

(Sorry to hijack your blog again Amber.) I have to say I've always looked at blogging, face-tweeting and the likes with cynicism. "Why do people think anyone would care what kind of sandwich they're making at the moment? How ego-centric can you be?!" Now, I still know it all can be a fairly unhealthy, self-centered obsession for some. But this (Amber's blog & many of yours) has taught me to see what one always sees with a closer look, Christ is the Great Redeemer. He can even breath life into online social networking! I have seen great fruit come from this blog & others. Preface A completed, here, quickly is B: I share this not to point to me, or Amber. We're sinful people in need of daily correction, me especially. I share the story because I am pretty sure someone will benefit from it -this book can be a valuable tool.

For our the-boys-are napping reading time with Emelia today I read, "Aslan's Triumph." It's a nicely summarized version of C.S. Lewis' "The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe" from the Narnia series. The illustrations are well made & thoughtfully put together. As we read it I kept telling Emelia that the story was made to tell us about Jesus.

When we got to the end, she still seemed very focused on it so I went back to the 1st page & asked, "What does this picture teach us about Jesus?" Then, we talked about it. This went on all the way through the book! Granted, it's not a huge book. But we had good talks that went on for a while on most of the pages. I asked a few times if she wanted to keep going but she was still interested. Some times she missed the concept entirely but was eager to learn. Other times her understanding of the picture surprised me.

We covered temptation, identity & purpose, sin & its penalty, Satan ("The Accuser"), angels & demons, Christ's intentional & brave sacrifice of Himself, His resurrection, His victory over death, the exhilarating joy of following Him, Christ's victory over the battle, how all of His followers survive in the end, heaven, and becoming the people He made us to be.

...hardly a typical afternoon talk with my 4 year old. (I hope I can say otherwise in the months to come!) I got to sit for half an hour and share the Gospel with my daughter! As my friend Josh would say, it was beautiful. It was.

At the end of the story my little blond girl & I talked about the little blond girl who revives her brother with the gift from Aslan (the gift of healing). "Did you know" I asked Emelia picking her up onto my lap to face me, "that YOU have gifts too? Jesus has given you gifts!" She was so intrigued & locked eyes with me in the way I think every father longs for his beloved children to do. She was mine, eagerly awaiting the good news (the Good News!) I had for her, delighted, trusting & focused. I knew right away that whatever I said next would stick.

So, naturally, I lost it.

I am glad to report that I didn't go snotty-nosed-hyperventilating-high-pitched-voice on her. But cry I did. It seems children's books are what put Amber & me over the edge these days.

I got to tell her about the gifts I see in her. I got to fill her with wonder at the gifts she has -ones that we don't even know about yet. And, I got another opportunity to point my girl to Jesus. I am so filled right now it's silly.

My latest highlight of the year involves crying over a kids book and I'm blogging about it.

Becoming my Mother

2009-10-29T21:23:00.000-07:00

Growing up I was always shocked and embarrassed by my mothers ability to cry about anything. Movies, books, stories, sitcoms, Oprah, etc. I just didn't get it.

Today I realized I was becoming my Mother. Emelia and I sat down for our afternoon reading session. The book for today was Meet Addy (American Girl series).

The story is about a 9 year old slave girl who escapes to freedom. I started reading the first chapter aloud to Emelia and made it only a few chapters before I was crying. It was pretty intense and probably a bit inappropriate for a 4 year old. She was however hooked and wanted more. (This is probably where I make the point that in the future I will try to read the books first). I ended up reading the 70 pages story to her over about an hour. She loved it and had many questions. I however struggled to read without sobbing. 2 parts in particular really hit me. First was where the father and brother were sold to another slave owner. Second was where the mother left her baby behind so she could escape with the 9 year old. These are issues I will never face. No one in my family has and probably never will. As I was reading I couldn't help but to picture Levi.

When I had learned about slavery in the past it was always distant from my life. I felt compassion and sadness but not real understanding. Today I experienced it differently. I pictured my son working on the plantation, being beaten by his slave owner and sold as property. I realized for the first time that all the men and women who risked their lives for freedom from slavery...that they did it not only for themselves but they also did it for Levi. He is able, because of those who fought slavery, to come to America and live a life of endless opportunity.

I have a african son. over 100 years ago if he came to America it would have been on a slave ship. Now he comes as my beloved son, a equal portion of my heart, a equal heir.

See, I have become my Mother. Crying and blogging about an American Girl story book.

Fall kids

2009-10-19T20:56:00.000-07:00

Question?

2009-10-18T19:56:00.000-07:00

143 million orphans worldwide..................

James 1:27

" Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world"

Couldn't be more clear.

So what do we do with this information? Is this just for the rich guy over there with lots of time, space and energy? Is this only for the perfect families? Is this only for families with infertility?

So if there are 2.1 billion Christians worldwide why do we still have 143 million orphans?

What is God calling you to do?

Big Eyes! Big personality! Big plans!

2009-10-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

Usually I post pictures that are all cute and happy. This is somewhat misleading. This weekend I am going to post some pictures of the "real" Levi. He is a 9 month with a plan. Usually I have no idea what this is. For example today he screamed at me for 20 mins because he didn't want to sit or be held. He wanted me to hold his hands to stand. Well I had to make dinner so he had to pick a reasonable option. This was not part of his plan. He screamed so hard and long that my other kids went and hid in the back bedrooms to get away from him.

I haven't really been talking to many people about how tough of a baby he is. I feel like they will think it is because of attachment issues or that they will judge my adoptive parenting abilities. I wonder these same things I guess. But I am reminded all the time of my first born. She was exactly the same way. Every night until she was about 2 we had to hold her down screaming and kicking to put her pajamas on. She hated to sleep and was grumpy A LOT! Now she is a wonderful, sweet calm child. I have my hopes for Levi as well. But for now it is TOUGH!

My middle child was kind of like a cabbage patch doll until he was 18 months. I would put him down on the floor and do "things". He would just sit there until I came to get him. Very calm, very self entertained, easy and loves to sleep. I guess the moral of my story is that children have very different personalities. I shouldn't take it personally that Levi is a discontent little guy.

Look out! the real Levi in picture is coming!

cuddle bugs

2009-10-09T20:52:00.001-07:00

3 in a bed

Emelia stealing a kiss

Charlie cuddling "Naomi"

My daughter the song writer

2009-10-05T19:48:00.001-07:00

Emelia sung this song tonight to Levi while we fed him his good-night bottle.

You are my brother

my big little brother

Charlie is my other big little brother

I am your only sister

until we find your other big sister Naomi

We don't know where she is

But we will find her because we love her

I love you so very much

My heart is so full of love for you

I love everything about you

I wasn't there the day you were born

I didn't know you until the day I saw your picture

Your birthmom sent it to our computer

That was so very nice of her

Then I felt love for you

When you came home I was so happy

you are my favorite baby boy

The song went on for about 10 mins. I only wrote down the lines I could remember. It was awesome to see her pour her love out on Levi. While she was singing to him she was kissing and hugging him. I was just quietly thanking God for this moment. I will ALWAYS remember it.

We like 'em big

2009-10-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

Levi has been home for 3 months and has gone through 4 sizes!

He started in 3-6 month and is currently wearing 18 month clothes. How did this happen? One might think all I do is feed him. (He only takes 3 bottles a day) I really expected my Ethiopia baby to be malnourished and skinny. Boy, was I wrong. He is my biggest yet.

3 months home

2009-09-29T14:59:00.000-07:00

3 Months ago today!

3 Months Later...

Wow. How did 3 months go by so fast? Here are the most common questions I get and the answers:

1.) How is he bonding?

Great! and not so good. He is like a mommy suction cup. If he is on my body, he is happy. If he is not, he cries real tears. When I am home he only likes to be fed from me. Anyone else gets a fit. He is a passionate little boy. So the great is that he very much is attached to me and loves it. The not so great is that my arms get a bit tired each day carrying around his 22 lb booty.

2.) How are the kids doing together?

Better than I expected. Emelia loves Levi. She is very helpful and patient when he needs me. LEvi also LOVES Emelia. She can get him to belly laugh doing the simplest things. Charlie LOVES Levi. He still thinks Levi is his personal stuffed animal. He will push LEvi over and lay on top of him saying, "cuddle Levi, cuddle Levi". Levi is, for good reason, nervous around Charlie. They love to take baths all together.

3.) What is Levi's personality like?

I love Levi, but I am learning to love him for who he is and not what I imagined him to be. I had already formulated ideas from his pictures and what other people said when they met him. When we picked him up in Ethiopia, he was very chill and easy. After we had been home a few weeks things changed. What I know now: He doesn't like to sleep. He is a busy boy. Love to beat on anything..toys, tables, people etc. Loves to eat- 22 lbs:). Loves his blanket. He is constantly moving.

4.) Do you love him the same as Emelia and Charlie?

Yes! Yes! Yes! That doesn't mean I don't get annoyed or frustrated at him. He can be extremely draining. When I went back to work, I ached for him the same way as my bio kids. I LOVE his smell. When he is sleeping I sneak in a smell him. It is different than Emelia's and Charlie's smell but I love it. He just feels like he fits and that he has always been in our family.

5.) Is it weird having a child with different colored skin? Do you get strange looks? What do people say?

This has been a bit problematic. I used to be able to leave my house un-showered in my pajamas (yes, it is true) and be unnoticed. I cannot do that anymore. Every where I go, people talk to me. They want to know where he is from, how long it took and how much it cost. Okay, it's not that big of a deal but I do have to plan for people to interrupt my outing for questions. I have had nothing but positive comments and interactions out in public.

6.) Is your family complete?

No. We are pretty sure we will adopt again in the future. Right now life it pretty crazy so we can't say exactly when. But we know that God has opened our eyes to see what a huge need there is across the world and that we can make a HUGE difference. Right now that difference is in Levi and other people that are considering adoption because of watching our story.

Last night Andrew and I were in bed talking. We had just been talking about the chaos in our lives right now. The fatigue, the busyness, the financial challenges, etc. I then said, "I think I want to adopt again." Andrew simply replied, "Me too." I was shocked. I thought Andrew would get a vasectomy and block all access to adoption blogs with the way the past few weeks have gone. I am glad that God has united our hearts and our callings.

A few birthday presents

2009-09-22T19:51:00.001-07:00

Those of you who have already been to Ethiopia and enjoyed firsthand the coffee, will appreciate this coffee cup. When you get to the Union Hotel in Ethiopia you get to order how much coffee you want to take home with you. They ask you this question at a completely ridiculous time...right before you go meet your child. Well, I wasn't really thinking and I said 10. I thought I was getting 10- 1 Lb bags. Nope. I got 10 Kg or 22 lbs of coffee to return home with. We had a suitcase just full of coffee. This label is off one of the beloved coffee bags. The coffee is amazing, dreamy, smooth, rich, smoky....absolutely beautiful. I am not sure what I will do when we run out. This coffee cup full of dark Ethiopia coffee makes my drive to work at 430am so much better. Thanks Andrew for this wonderful present!

Remember those tomato plant pictures I posted? Here is a sample of what we harvest EVERY week from half the plants. The other half are cherry tomatoes. I currently have a love/ hate relationship with my tomatoes. I feel like I am drowning in them. Yesterday I worked from 5am-530pm, rushed home, put 3 kids to bed. My darling husband had picked the tomatoes for me while I was gone. So instead of falling into bed myself I peeled the skin off these tomatoes, chopped and froze them in bags (This picture is the left over ones I didn't peel and freeze). CRAZY! So many more to go. I have the high hopes of learning to can by next summer. Or maybe just not plant so many tomato plants.

As for the children. Not much good to report here. All 3 are sick. I was going to post disgusting pictures of each of there noses but I didn't want to scare off the 3 people who read this blog.

Brothers in a box

2009-09-19T15:15:00.000-07:00

Write Amber a B-Day Message

2009-09-15T22:05:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone! It's your lovable little fuzz ball of a husband, Andrew here inviting you to a once-in-her-life-time opportunity. Amber's 28th B-Day is 9/23 and you get to write her a note!

NOT SURE YOU SHOULD? TOO BUSY?

NOT ON HER TOP-10 BFF LIST AND THINK YOU'RE TOO DISTANT

OF A RELATIONSHIP FOR HER TO APPRECIATE YOUR MESSAGE?

...FOOEY!

LET'S SEE WHAT OUR MUNCHKINS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT

Well! I'm convinced. It has been wonderful to watch & read as Amber has poured her heart, wisdom & joy in to these pages. I know many of you have appreciated her words too. So, this is your invitation to tell Amber what her insights, friendship, etc. have meant to you as you wish her a happy birthday.

click the comments link below to leave your message

Take my life

2009-09-12T13:37:00.001-07:00

Our community group (small group, home group whatever you call them) has been trying to figure out how to be missional, not individually but as a community. As I was praying yesterday about this issue, I came across this familiar hymn. It deeply encouraged me to look not to myself but to Christ.

Philippians 3:8 "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ..."

Take My Life and Let It Be

Take my life and let it by consecrated Lord to thee.

Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love

at the impulse of thy love

Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.

Take my voice and let me sing always only for my King

Always only for my King.

Take my lips and let them be filled with messages for thee.

Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold

Not a mite would I withhold

Take my love my God I pour at thy feet its treasure store.

Take myself and I will be ever only all for thee

Ever only all for thee.

Return to work:

On a sad note. I return to work tomorrow. I am more nervous this time than with the other 2 kids. Maybe because I have to be there by 5am. Ouch! I also have enjoyed being home so much the past 12 weeks. If you think of us tomorrow, pray for Andrew. He will be with the kids for 12 hours by himself.

One year ago

2009-09-11T19:20:00.000-07:00

One year ago today we started our adoption. This very day we sent in our contracts and $. Crazy how fast it went. I due a due date calculator online and discovered our adoption was just a week and a half more than a pregnancy. He would have been 41 5/7 weeks.

Happy Birthday Emelia!

2009-09-03T20:10:00.000-07:00

My daughter turned 4 today. I always love replaying her birth in my head. Today I actually took the kids to the hospital for her to see the room she was born in. 4 years ago she came into the world at 11:58am. She is the one who made me a Mother.

A lot has happened in 4 years. From this:

To this:

great books!

2009-09-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

I have been reading and re-reading 2 really really really good books this past month.

The first being, Total Church: A Radical Reshaping around Gospel and Community.

It is more of less about community being a lifestyle that demonstrates the gospel verses a group you attend one evening a week for 2 hours. This has been instrumental in our families approach to community and ministry. I had previously thought of participating in a community for my enjoyment. Selfish but true. This book and our church (Mars Hill) have been really challenging me in what community is really about. I am now striving to participate in community to serve the purposes of the gospel, for Jesus, for my love for Him. Not because it's a good thing, fun thing, or an obligation. I highly recommend this book!

The second book, Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches.

I cannot do this book justice in a review. It is a must read for those pondering adoption, adoptive families and well every Christian. It clearly explains adoption in relation to the gospel. It takes adoption from a good thing to.... a biblical mandate.

Enjoy!

Prayer Answered!

2009-08-21T20:35:00.000-07:00

A good friend of mine had been dealing with infertility for the past year. During this time she also shared with me her heart for adoption. During the past month God has worked a major miracle in their lives and hearts. They have sent in their application to adopt from Ethiopia with AGCI. You can read the full story on their blog

http://waiting4selah.blogspot.com/

There is a lot of answered prayer in their story... but there is an answered prayer of mine as well. I have been praying that our story would encourage and support other people to adopt. Andrew and I are only 1 family that can adopt a couple, few, several? kids. But we can have a great impact by encouraging others to do the same. Think of all the more children that could have families! I am delighted that God has used us to encouraged another family.

Who is next?

Pow Wow

2009-08-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

When I was a young life leader we would frequently do a "Pow Wow". It was an easy icebreaker that got the conversation going. My young life kids (or Youth- as Sarah and Josh M would prefer) really seemed to enjoy it

Pow- hard thing in your week

Wow- great thing in your week

So here is my Pow Wow for the week.

POW:

I have been the the pediatrician 3 times in the past 2 weeks. It's not a good sign when the receptionist know your name and the names of your kids. As of today I have 2 kids on antibiotics. One a bladder infection and the other an ear infection. Levi ruptured his eardrum yesterday. He was really fussy all day yesterday with no obvious ear symptoms and then all of a sudden fluid was flowing out of his ear. Then he was happy again. Strange. You think being a nurse and a mother or 3 that I might clue into him being sick before his eardrum ruptured. Nope, not me.

WOW!:

Over the weekend I took my kids to eastern Washington to see my grandparents. They live about 4 hours away normally but 6 hours with kids. I dearly love my grandparents but my grandfather in particular has had a more difficult time with transracial adoption. He grew up with very different opinions on races. I don't know how to put it delicately. Anyways, he met Levi for the first time. He actually told me several times he was cute. He held him and talked with him. He even wrote my uncles emails saying he was cute. Today he asked my mom when I was going to bring the kids to see them again. This is huge! God has softened his heart to love even my black son.

Sorry no pictures. Maybe next visit.

God promises to orphans

2009-08-13T21:46:00.000-07:00

Here is what the Bible says about God's promises to the orphan child:

God promises to defend you.

God promises to rescue you.

God promises to deliver you.

God promises to come to you.

God promises to hear you.

God promises to not leave you.

God promises to lift you up.

God promises to lead you out.

God promises to be your Father.

God promises to make you a home.

God promises to not forget you.

God promises to execute mercy toward you.

God promises to execute true justice to you.

God promises to give you food and clothing.

God promises to help you.

God promises to maintain your cause.

Somethings are just not in the bible. Whether or not to do homeschool, infertility treatments, etc. The list could go on. The bible is VERY clear on how God feels about orphans. I love that! I am so thankful that God opened my heart to see that. I was missing a very big piece of his character. I really went days, months, years without ever thinking of orphans. I am also so thankful that God allowed me to participate in his promises to Levi. It has been such a privilege.

New Family Picture

2009-08-11T21:18:00.000-07:00

Juiced

2009-08-10T23:27:00.001-07:00

one on one time

2009-08-06T15:13:00.000-07:00

Remember life with one child? You spent all day with that sweet face but... you couldn't wait for your spouse to get home so you could have a break. You loved to go to the grocery alone. You day dreamed about your life before kids...what did you do all day?

Now you add another child: Baby number 2. All of a sudden time with only one kid is a vacation. It is so much easier to go to Costco with 1 child verses 2. You divide and conquer.

Now you add another child: Baby number 3. Now 2 kids is relaxing and 1 kid is a joke. You wonder what you possibly ever complained about. But now, for me at least, being with one is a dream. It is precious. I get to delight in my child. I get to cuddle, hug and kiss them without competition. I get to read all their favorite stories as many times as possible. I get to pour into them.

Today my parents took my oldest sailing for a few days. It was just me and the boys. After I got Levi down tonight at 6pm, Charlie and I played, played and played. We did all his favorite things. About 100 times a day he says: "Play trains with you mommy, pweeeeez!" He's obsessed with his trains and his Mommy. Tonight I was able to sit on the floor and play trains, uninterrupted and I actually really enjoyed myself. Then we went to the "Go backyard, pweeeeeeeeeeeez!". We dug in the dirt, made grass soup, played cars and ran around chasing each other. We finished off our outside time by picking blueberries together on the hill. I feel like I will remember this evening together for the rest of my life. It was absolutely precious.

After I sang to him and prayed with him I put him in his bed and said...."I love you Charlie." He responded, "I love you too Mommy," in the sweetest cutest voice ever. I AM IN LOVE!

Photo update

2009-08-05T20:06:00.000-07:00

Thankfully it has cooled off. The house is no longer 90 degrees. Below is a picture of our tomato plants. I am not sure how tomatoes grow in the rest of the country but these are going nuts. The plants are all about 5+ feet tall. I have never grown such enormus plants. All this hot weather has paid off.

Our boy loves the swing

Morning cuddle time in sister's bed

Kids in the bath..playing so nicely

Charlie trying to sit on baby. Poor Levi.

Our social worker came on Monday to do our first report. I cannot believe we have been home for a month. Sometimes it seems like we have been a family forever and that we should adopt 10 more. Other times I feel like I am struggling just to SURVIVE the day. Sometimes Levi seems like he has always been my son and other times he feels like a stranger. I am still learning how to read his signals and moods. Emelia and Charlie are loving him so much, too much as you can see from the picture. They are always holding and playing with him.

As for me this week I have been studying God's names. I feel like someone has given me a secret key to understanding scripture. Today I was reading in Exodus 6:2-3 and realized 3 different names were used for God in a few sentences. Elohim, El Shaddai and Yahwah. Knowing the meaning on the names really opens up my understanding as to what exactly is being said. I am LOVING this study. I am reading "Trusting in the Names of God" by Catherine Martin. I would highly recommend it.

Naomi?

2009-07-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

When we were in the waiting stage for our referral we talked a lot about names with our kids. They both knew if it was a boy his name would be Levi and a girl, Naomi. We were ecstatic to see Levi's face on March 19th but in the back of my head/ heart I wondered if there would ever be a Naomi. Around the same time Emelia learned how to draw people. Without any suggestion, she began to draw a family of 6. This of course included Naomi. Almost weekly her name comes up in conversation. Yesterday the whole family was in the pool and she said

"Naomi will be the 6th person in the family."

For almost 6 months Naomi has been part of our family. Emelia has decided they will have bunk beds. She has labeled which clothes and dolls Naomi will have. She told me I will need a bigger car which can hold 4 kiddos.

It is strange to think about another daughter. I wonder if it will come to be. Andrew and I have talked that our family doesn't feel complete but neither does our financial future. We are beyond exhausted all day and night. We both feel overwhelmed by the 3. BUT...

Today I was learning about the names of God and I was studying "El Shaddai" the all powerful all sufficient one.

"When you trust in El Shaddai, you will learn to give up as you watch God match your need with His sufficiency regardless of the depth of the challenge." (From trusting in the Names of God by Catherine Martin)

It was really cool to pray today

El Shaddai,

I am willing. You are all sufficient. I want to give up seeking anything else for comfort. You are enough for me. If Naomi is to be in our family I completely trust in you to make it so. I trust wholeheartedly in your provision and plan. Amen!

Now i sit and wonder. Hmmm.... Will Emelia's desire and heart for a sister come to create an amazing love story for Naomi. Will we be able to tell her we prayed, planned and dreamed about her for years before we met her. Will we say that God planted a seed in our hearts to rescue her long before she was even born.

I can honestly say I am excited to see how this story ends.

92 outside 90 inside hmmmm...

2009-07-28T19:43:00.001-07:00

The HEAT

Yes that is right. Currently it is 743pm and 92 degrees outside. My lovely house is 90 degrees. how is this possible? We live in Seattle right? Since it is "never sunny and always rainy" here no one thought to put air conditioners in houses.

I have stopped trying not to sweat. I am gross, dripping, suffocating, and dramatic. I really don't like being hot.

Adoption

On the adoption front. Levi is really settling. He is sleeping a TON better. Taking 3 good naps during the day and waking once at night to be fed. He is starting to reach for me when someone else is holding him. When I feed him, he just is so much more relaxed. Settling. These are small milestones but we celebrate them.

On stool samples:

I have been collecting Levi's poop for 2 weeks now. The first sample I collected over a period of a few days and took to the lab. Oops, they gave me the wrong container. The second sample took several days. Babies don't poop large quantities. They want it filled to the line which takes awhile for Levi. So the 2nd sample I forgot to label. My bad. So they wouldn't run the test. I dropped our 3rd sample which is really only the 1st test of 2.

I am not the gospel

2009-07-23T19:50:00.000-07:00

I want to....

meet all Levi's needs

always be able to comfort him

get him to sleep longer than 30 mins

never have to put him down

never WANT to put him down

never feel frustrated at him

appreciate all of our moments together

always meet his eye contact

look lovingly at him at all times

never have to make him cry because I HAVE to do something else

never leave him with someone else

never make him feel anxious

never let him know I am feeling completely inadequate

The list goes on. I want to be everything for my son, actually all my kids. But for him, I want to overcompensate. I want to erase all his hurts and anxieties by my "good behavior". The truth is that only Jesus can be that for him. I fail everyday and I am not the gospel. A good friend said this to me a few days ago

I am not big enough to MAKE my child and

not big enough to BREAK my child

Tonight I am practicing being small and dependent on God to help my son.

Worshipping the Shower

2009-07-21T22:01:00.000-07:00

Did you know it was possible to worship a shower. A warm, no hot, quiet, calm, peaceful shower. Ever since we arrived in Ethiopia I have been worshiping a shower. In Ethiopia we only had cold splash baths. I must have thought 100x a day about just having a hot shower. Oh, how nice and clean that would feel. Now that we are home...it had gotten worse.

I try pretty much all day to get a shower. Some how I never seem to get one before my hubby leaves for work. Most days I finally get one after I put the kids to bed. Unfortunately I received oily skin and scalp genes. Someday when everyone else is wrinkly and dry, I will look fresh and cute. But for now, my oily hair NEEDS washing every day.

Today, for example, I put Levi down for a nap, put Charlie down for a nap, let Emelia practice reading on the computer and started the water. Well, of course, Levi woke up. I decided to take a chance and put Levi in the exersaucer and jump in for that....nice, hot, peaceful shower. I instructed Emelia to come get me if Levi started crying. So 10 minutes later I got out of the shower to hear screaming in the other room. Levi was crying and Emelia was completely oblivious. On the positive side, I am glad she is so "used" to her brother that his crying doesn't stress her out. Once I got to Levi, oh boy was he mad. People have asked if he ever cries. Oh buddy, he does now. Once I picked him up he was inconsolable for about 10 minutes. (When I write that it seems not long. It felt like forever). Once he finally realized it was me and I was holding him he was fine.

Why am I telling you this story. 2 reasons.

1.) I was, for the first time, able to calm my son when he was freaking out without a bottle. Usually when he gets that upset he needs a bottle to soothe.

2.) I have been realizing I worship taking a shower to some degree. I think about a shower more than I think about my Awesome God. That is pathetic.

God is working mightly on my heart. Weeding and pruning. I didn't realize how much I would need changing through Levi's adoption. I thought it would all be about him. WRONG! This is as much for me as it is for him.

brotherly love

2009-07-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

Several times a day Charlie exclaims, "Touch baby, touch baby, touch Levi's head!!!!". He has this urge rise within him and can't control himself. As if Levi is a chocolate cake waiting to be eaten. Charlie sits next to his brother and rubs (I mean, rubs and rubs and rubs) Levi's head. He usually puts one hand on Levi and sucks the other thumb. It brings him some sort of soothing. He just gets so relaxed (Charlie not Levi). Levi is on the other hand thinking, "Why are you messing with my freshly oiled curls?" I do enjoy the brief moments of brotherly love.

What will my next generation know

2009-07-15T20:41:00.000-07:00

Andrew and I have been watching some parenting videos of a conference Ted Tripp did at our church last fall. I have been really struck by a point he made and wanted to share it.

Judges 2:6-10

When Joshua dismissed the people, the people of Israel went each to his inheritance to take possession of the land. And the people served the Lord all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders who outlived Joshua. And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died at the age of 110 ....and all that generation also were gathered to their fathers. And there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord of the work that he had done for Israel.

When I first read this I thought, "How is this possible?" These people grew up in the desert where God led them by day with a cloud and by night with a fire. They grew up on Manna and water from rocks (several times). When they went into Canaan, how could they forgotten to teach their children about the Lord. Really? How could the next generation not know the living God or what he had done. I wouldn't think this was possible. But it was and is.

We pray with our kids, read them age appropriate bible stories, take them to church and Bible Study Fellowship. We pray before meals, say please and thank you, and we try to teach them right from wrong. BUT...are we/ am I really teaching them and telling them who God is and what He has done in my life. Even in the past year, through our adoption, God has done many miracles. I haven't really tried to explain them to Emelia or Charlie. I know they are young but I should at least try.

I wasn't raised in a Christian home and really don't know how to teach these things. I am praying for wisdom that God would teach me how to teach my children. I am praying that our next family generation will know and serve the Lord.

Okay, not the best photo. Remember the vomiting and traveling for 30+ hours. But this is our family and these kids are our next generation.

Ethiopia Day 5

2009-07-13T19:14:00.000-07:00

This day started very early, about 3 am. I woke with a overwhelming nausea. My first thought was, "OMG I'm pregnant!". For those who know me well, you will completely understand this. Then as I begun to wake up I realized I am sick. I popped a few peptos and a sleeping pill hoping that would do the trick. Well at 0800 I began to throw up. Yes that is right, we are suppose to be packing up, saying goodbye and heading for the airport. The day continues with me laying practically unconscious in bed throwing up about every 15 mins. Andrew went to go talk with Almaz. It went something like this...

Andrew: I think Amber is too sick to fly. What should we do?

Almaz: If you don't leave today you probably won't get out for another 2 weeks. Get on that plane.

So Andrew returned to my vomiting self with the news that we better start packing because puking or not we are flying out. I had brought various meds left over from my hyperemesis days and began popping them, including the very important CIPRO. Finally the phenergan stopped the vomiting about 3 in the afternoon. Andrew packed the whole room by himself while watching and holding Levi. He was amazing. I gave instructions from the bed. The most important of these being "Don't forget to pack the phenergan in my carry-on."

We get on our buss headed to the airport around 6pm. I have only had a few sips of liquids and a few bites of noodles all day. We go through around 5-6 check points. At one point the guard asks why my husband is holding the baby. He says, "Don't like the baby?". I try to explain that I have been throwing up all day. Probably not the smartest since they have signs posted everywhere alerting people to the swine flu. He got the point and backed away.

As we waited to board the plane, I began searching wildly for my phenergan. Where are they??? We never did find them. They must still be in room 106 at the Union Hotel. Completely unhelpful at this point. I broke down crying, telling (yelling at) Andrew that I wasn't going to survive the trip home. Thankfully God is bigger than sickness because I survived. The next 30+ hours are a blur. We went through a million check points and 4 flights. I didn't eat until we were in Washington DC. and then only had small amount of fluid until Seattle.

When we landed in Seattle I had to hold back sobs. I was unbelievably happy and relieved to be home. We had a wonderful welcoming crowd of family and friends. I am pretty sure I scared a few of them with my amazing looks. Andrew was amazing. He basically flew alone from Ethiopia with 2 children, Levi and I.

So that was Day 5 & 6. Kind of uninteresting. here are some picks

Passed out in the airport in Ethiopia

Passed out in the airport Chicago

Levi loves his airplane bassinet

A little curbside bottle from the sister

Ethiopia Day 4

2009-07-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

This was one of the more emotional days. We got ready (with a cold shower) and went to Hannah's Hope. Most of the families had birth mom meetings during the day. We were one of the two families that did not. I had sent a photo album with a friend earlier this month in case they located Levi's birth mom. When they found her she came to say goodbye to Levi and the photos were given to her. I am so glad I had a mustard sized faith to send that ahead.

While the birth moms were arriving and departing tearfully Andrew and I used the time to take it all in. We went on a "tour" of Hannah's Hope and met some special mothers. We also spent some time talking with Almaz and the other staff. Almaz had taken photos when Levi's mom came to say goodbye and she gave them to us. I am not sure what I thought she would look like....but she looked so different than what I expected. She is beautiful. High cheek bones, full lips and big eyes. It was heartbreaking to hear the story of her last moments with Levi, see her pictures and imagine what she must be feeling.

On a side note, Adoption is so not the ultimate answer. I wish that her pregnancy could have been prevented, or at least that she would have had the means to support him. I wish that her family could have accepted her son and raised him. I wish that all the parents that gave their kids up for adoption because they were dying of AIDS (Which is considered a treatable disease in the US that is managed like a chronic condition...not a death sentence) could be saved. There is so much that is so "unfair" yet I rejoice. I rejoice that God had a plan for my son. A plan to keep him alive, to bring him to Hannah's Hope and eventually into our arms. I rejoice that God calls my son "Beloved" and wants to be in relationship with him. I rejoice that God does not forsake but loves, provides and cares deeply for orphans. I rejoice in God's sovereign plan.

So I walked around Hannah's Hope crying. Crying for my joy and sorrow. We also began to say goodbye to the staff. I didn't know it then but that would be my last time at Hannah's Hope because I got sick the next day. Here are some pics.

Talking with Almaz

Levi's special mothers

Hannah's Hope Staff

Saying Goodbye

This was the last time through the doors; the doors I often dreamt about. The couple pictured above is Mac, Naomi and their son Abel, new friends of ours.

After we simmered down emotionally we got ready for a dinner out at a traditional Ethiopian restaurant. There was dancing alone with the wonderful food. I started to feel a little funky at this point. I thought it was just the fatigue. Boy was I wrong....more tomorrow.

one of those days

2009-07-11T19:34:00.001-07:00

When I had 2 kids I was pretty good at diverting disaster. It happened occasionally. Today I spent the ENTIRE day cleaning up disasters. Just today:

-Emelia used the entire roll of toilet paper to wipe and clogged the toilet. (After plunging, it is still stuck.)

-Emelia was riding her bike on the deck and fell 2 feet down into the rhododendron bushes, while wearing just her panties. Ouch!

-Emelia poured about 2 quarts of bubbles into her kiddy pool and then proceeded to splash her brother in the face. another ouch

-Charlie found a sunscreen bottle and decided to apply it himself

-Charlie found a crayon and colored some dinner plates for me

-Charlie was doing his twirl dancing until he got too dizzy and fell backwards into his rocking horse, hitting his head really hard.

-I dropped an entire bottle of formula on the kitchen floor. While trying to make another one Charlie ran by, slipped and fell hitting his head. All the while Levi is screaming for his bottle.

-I finally got Levi down for a nap and I got on my kneed in the hallway praying for God to give me strength, wisdom and patience. Charlie came up to me and screamed- sweetly (Good Morning!!!!!!). Of course he woke the baby.

Seriously, this all happened between the hours of 9-6. I used to have a "normal" life. I used to be able to get through the day without crying out the God for help every 30 mins. Maybe that wasn't so good. Maybe this is exactly where God wants me. Crying out ALL day for his help, strength, mercy, wisdom and love. I am starting to hit my wall. I am beyond exhausted...and my toilet is still clogged. :)

My prayer for today.

Chris Tomlin's "I Will Rise"

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say, it is well

Jesus has overcome

and the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when he calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagle's wings

Before my God fall on my knees

and rise, I will rise

......

Ethiopia Day 3

2009-07-10T21:32:00.000-07:00

I better hurry and get this trip recap done. The details are quickly fading with fatigue.

Day 3 was the shopping/ Italian lunch day. We went to Hannah's Hope in the morning and left Levi with his special mothers. It was very strange to be leaving him less than 24 hours after finally meeting him. Looking back at it, I wish Andrew would have stayed with him while I shopped. When we picked him up 6 hours later we had to start all over again with bonding. He was really agitated and it was more stress than was worth it.

We all jumped back on our conspicuous bus and drove to a shopping area. We purchased mostly gifts for Levi.

Amharic/ English bible: His baptism/ acceptance of Christ

Silver Bracelet to engrave: high School graduation

Matching coptic cross necklaces: Marriage

Silver Coptic cross on leather- wall hang: First house

Baby outfit: First Child

We also got some art work and other things. After shopping we went to a nice Italian restaurant. The sell really nice artwork. ( Tip: bring your credit card or USD. The art work was beautiful and prices start around $200.)

The food was great. However since our group was ginormous we ended being there 3hours. Yuck! We were so tired by the end and so ready to get our kiddos.

As soon as we got back to our hotel we dropped our stuff and ran back to get our son. When we got there they were just finishing giving him a bath. It was wonderful to see how tenderly they care for the babies. We spent the rest of the day loving on our boy.

Another crazy thing that happened every afternoon, was the rain. It was rain like I have never seen....and we live in Seattle. We had thunder storms and lightening every day. It also was pretty cold. Mid 60s. I also brought 2 pairs of long pants. I wish I would have brought warm clothes. I pretty much wore the same 2 outfits the entire time. The hotel does laundry, which they did well. It took almost 2 days because we kept losing power. In fact we usually only had power at night. (Tip: Charge batteries at night).

Gotta run. All 3 kids are sleeping! Going to go join them.

journey to lactation

2009-07-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

March 19th we received our referral for Levi, then 10 weeks old. I had been thinking a lot about wanted to breastfeed him but hadn't made any decisions. I then found the Newman-Goldfarb protocol:

http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/gn_protocols.html

There is a ton of info on this web site.

The last week of March I started the protocol. 1 Birth control pill a day- Yasmin, and 20Mg Domperidone four times a day. (Domperidone has to be ordered from Canada). No pumping at this time. I continued this regime until we heard that we passed court. I think it was about 10 weeks.

Once we passed court I stopped the Yasmin and continued the Domperidone. I also added herbs (see protocol and oatmeal). I also started pumping. Pumping, pumping, pumping. For the first 48 hours I pumped every 2hours day and night. Then I pumped every 2 hours during the day and every 3-4 at night. I saved every last drop in syringes to give him later. Some lovely women I work with purchased a Medela freestyle pump for me which became my bestfriend. It attaches to your bra and is completely hands free. I pumped while cooking dinner, doing my makeup, driving the car even while going through the Starbucks drive through (I might have traumatized the Batista). By the end of 3 weeks I was pumping about 2 ounces a day. Seems like not much but your milk supply gradually increases over time with this protocol.

Once we left for Ethiopia I continued to pump on the plane. Poor man next to me. I wore a "hooter hider" to cover up. While we were in Ethiopia is was much more difficult to pump and clean all the parts. I think I pumped about 4 times a day. I gave this to him in a bottle. I did try latching him in Ethiopia and was successful 3 times.

Now that we are home things look a little different. I only pump morning and night and get about 2 ounces each time. I just don't have the time at this point to pump anymore than that. I feed him his bottles against my naked chest. I have tried using a "SNS" and a nipple shield, both a little too much work at this point. Will try again later.

Last night after feeding his bottle he turned his head, latched on and went to sleep. He wanted me for a pacifier. HE slept like that for about 15 mins before I put him down. He did the same thing this morning. I do hope he moves on to actually nutritive sucking but for now being my son's pacifier is a dream. It is truly amazing!

I hope this TMI encourages some of you to think about adoptive nursing and induced lactation. It is a labor of love but completely worth it. See article below for research on adoptive nursing and the benefits for mother and child.

http://www.internationalbreastfeedingjournal.com/content/1/1/5

Ethiopia Day 2

2009-07-08T20:23:00.001-07:00

We woke up around 0500 with the Muslim call to prayer, dogs barking, about 10 roosters. Hmm.... annoying yet beautiful. 2 cold showers, pumped (yes, the boobs- more about this later) and went down stairs for breakfast. I really enjoyed the food at the union. Especially because it is prepared with such love. The staff at the hotel really are amazing. The breakfasts were really quite good. I especially enjoyed the oatmeal and eggs. They make a crepe like pancake which was great to wrap the eggs in.

Almaz met us at the hotel for paperwork and itinerary explanation.

Here we are filling out our papers

After the paperwork we all walked to Hannah's Hope. It is a really short walk; just up a path and around the corner. Seeing that amazing red door was indescribable. It is a moment I dreamed about for so long.

Hannah's Hope Gate

We were the first of our 2 groups (toddler parents and older kids went first) to walk in those doors. Julie, our case manager, walked across the court yard to were the babies were. She started calling "Degefa" and the special mothers pointed out our beautiful sleeping boy. It was a little anticlimactic because I had envisioned seeing him, swooping him up and crying sweet tears. Well I actually just leaned over his bouncy seat and thanked the Lord for him. Another baby started crying, which woke him. He opened his eyes to see me for the first time. He didn't cry of fuss. He looked intrigued. Levi makes more eye contact than most babies I have ever met. Once his eyes met mine, I don't think he blinked or looked away for many minutes.

Those eyes

We were able to take him back with us to our hotel for about an hour and then we walked back to Hannah's Hope to get on a bus. We all went together to the US embassy to get our children's US VISAS. The rest of the day was spent falling in love with our son. The details seem fuzzy because I was so focused in him.

When you start your adoption application you are really imagining the day you will meet your child. Everything you do is for that moment. Of course there are many more amazing moments to come but that....wow that....is unlike anything else. By the time you meet, you have completely and selflessly fallen in love with someone who knows nothing about you. I had spent hours, if not days, on my knees praying for the boy with those eyes. Meeting our son was amazing, time stopping, breathtaking, worshipful and complete. ...........

More pictures and Ethiopia trip day 1

2009-07-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

Our travel group (half of them)

Happy boys

First Family Picture

Hmmmmm....deep in thought

I thought I should try to write some of my thoughts/memories before they covered by a mist of spit up, no sleep and washing diapers, laundry and bottles.

We left Seattle at 10pm on Friday night. Arrived in DC at 6am. We didn't sleep much on the flight. Too excited, I guess. We checked into a hotel since we had a 14 hour layover. We slept 6 hours, took our last (didn't know it then) hot shower, had room service and headed back to the airport at 5pm. Checked in and had dinner with some new friends, Naomi and Mac. They were with us every flight the whole way.

Our flight to Addis Ababa was uneventful. Several AGCI families were all with us on that flight. We slept and watched movies. Got a numb butt and tingly legs. The guy across the aisle threw up. Yah know, usual flight stuff.

We arrived in Ethiopia at 7pm on Sunday night. AMAZING! Things went from an idea to very real all of a sudden. After exiting the airplane we got our Ethiopian Visa and then picked up luggage. It took several hours for all of us to get through this part. The drive through the city was mysterious. It was so dark outside. We got to our hotel around 10pm. Andrew and I took sleeping pills (highly recommend) and hit our pillows. We had to be up, dress, cold showered, and fed by 9am for paperwork with Almaz.

my favorite picture

2009-07-06T13:15:00.000-07:00

trying to process

2009-07-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

So this post is probably more for me than anyone reading this. So if it bores you, scroll on.

Levi has been with us for 1 week now. He is full of smiles and giggles. 99.9% of the time content. He cries for about 5 minutes total in a day. (We have been told this will probably change as he gets more secure). Emelia and Charlie adore him. Today I got to cuddle with my older kids after they napped. We ate a fabulous dinner. Other than the toddler temper tantrums, life seems "perfect".

But..... yes there is always a but

I have this nagging sadness like I am trying to hold back tears all day. I am debating whether or not to watch a sappy movie just to get the tears a flowing. I cannot truly explain what it is like to make a trip across the world, to a completely different world, to meet your child. Other adoptive parents know exactly what I am talking about. There is so much anticipation, so many dreams, SO much happiness and yet sadness.

Levi has known 3 mothers.

His birth mom: She gave him life. She held him, rocked him, fed him and loved him for his first 8 weeks of life. She loved him more than she loved herself and chose for him a different life.

His "special mothers": At Hannah's Hope, the special mothers doted and loved on him. They convinced him to trust again and open his heart to be loved. He was deeply love and well cared for there.

Here is where I come in...His Forever mother: I am the one to love him for life. To be there for ALL the great and not so great moments. I am the one to help him to learn to trust, again. The one to fill his heart so full of love that he blossoms.

In his 6 short months of life he has experienced more loss than most adults I know. He has lost EVERYTHING he knows twice. I know that being in a family is the best for him, that God chose us for him. But I ache for my son. I feel the same way about Emelia and Charlie but they have had relatively "easy" lives. When I brought Levi into my arms and heart, I also hold the weight of his hurt.

So today I am processing. Or at least starting.

I hope this doesn't sound like I am not completely in love and happy with our son. I just want to be as honest as possible about adoption. It would be a great lie to only write about bliss. Adoption is a great adventure...the good and the bad.

Introducing.....

2009-07-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

Proud to introduce.....

Levi Degefa Weiseth

Born January 9, 2009

In our arms June 29, 2009

So this picture was taken by a friend a few weeks ago. We haven't downloaded our pictures from our trip yet but I wanted everyone to see our cute boy.

As soon as we can we will post more actual trip pics.

HOME

2009-07-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

We made it! We are home! Loving on baby Levi!

one last update

2009-06-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

"but I was wondering about one particular little chubby baby boy that we all thought was adorable....If you are private and don't want to tell me who you are..then feel free to ignore this email, but I loved on this little chubby baby boy that had great hair and and smiled all the time and sucked his thumb...He was so chubby that he barely fit in the bumbo seat he was always sitting in...He was always happy and you couldn't help but notice him because he smiled at you every time you walked by....I was just going to tell someone HOW cute he was and HOW happy he was.....I believe Julie might have said that he was going home soon"

THIS is about our boy! I am so excited. He's a thumb sucker, just like Emelia and Charlie! I can't wait!

48 hours

2009-06-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

We leave in just over 48 hours. Wow, I can't believe we are in the cool crowd now (those actually traveling to get their kids). During the waiting it felt like it would never happen. Now here we are...about the fly out. We have been packing, cleaning, unpacking, weighing, repacking, redistributing, packing and more cleaning. It has been a busy week. I had my last day at work today. It was a wonderful last day. Weird to think I won't be back for months. The thought has hit me that the waiting was probably the easy part...3 kids under 3 might be even harder. Sleepless nights, illness, etc. might be even harder than waiting...........MAYBE.

The truth comes out

2009-06-20T22:07:00.000-07:00

My darling daughter turned into a monster. She has been acting like a hormonal 13 year old. She is only 3. This was our conversation today that finally shed some light on the situation

Emelia: (crying at dinner)

Me: What is wrong Emelia?

Emelia: You put butter on my noddles and I don't like it that way. You're not doing what I want.

Me: Em, you always like butter on your noodles. Why not tonight?

Emelia: Because that's not what I WANT!!!! (follow by lots of tears and sobbing)

Me: Emelia, what is going on in your heart?

Emelia: I am really excited about Levi coming but....I am not happy you are leaving me and it makes sad feelings in my heart. (followed by lots more tears and lots more sobbing)

Oh, my heart breaks. She has been acting out so much the past few days. I didn't really realize she was processing this much. I didn't really think she understood exactly what was all happening. I am overjoyed to go get Levi but I am sad for Emelia and Charlie. If you (yes, you reading this) are praying for our family, please pray for Emelia and Charlie. That they would have peace and comfort while we are gone.

Sweet letter, 60 cans of formula and my boys

2009-06-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

My Daughter, Emelia wrote this letter the other day. She is 3 and is just learning to write.

It says "We are going to get Levi". It is amazing to see her excitement in this process. She is joining us in counting down the days until Levi is home with us.

If you ever wondered....what 60 cans of formula looked like:

An amazing woman I work with got these donated from Similac. Thanks!!

Daddy and his son. 11 more days until daddy has another son on his lap.

Waiting Families: For all you families out there still stuck, waiting, not hearing, frustrated, lacking faith....I am praying for you and your children. I can relate to the heartache of waiting, not knowing when you will meet your children. It is amazing to be on this side. I feel undeserving. Why me and not you also. Praying the Lord provides during your desert season.

Tickets Purchased!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

We purchased tickets about 3 seconds ago! We leave Friday the 26th and return July 3rd. It is a very sureal feeling. Knowing I am leaving a week from Friday to go get my son!!!! Wow!

Travel dates!

2009-06-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

We have to be in Ethiopia by June 28th and leave July 2nd. So excited!

Travel update

2009-06-15T13:24:00.000-07:00

So, no we don't have travel dates....yet. I am hoping we get them very soon. We did get an update on Levi, which included sizes and schdules. He is a BIG boy. At 5 months he weighs 16 lbs and is 28 in tall. He will we wearing 6-9 month clothes. They said about his personality:

"Degefa is a content baby most of the time. He is very active and loves to sit in his Bumbo seat. He is growing very chunky, his eyes roam the room and take everything in. He seems to be turning his head both ways and it is easy to get a smile out of him."

Preview

2009-06-08T21:22:00.001-07:00

okay....now the details

2009-06-08T13:32:00.000-07:00

This morning as I was in the shower, Andrew came running in, slammed the door open and gave me a sappy look. "He's ours!". I started sobbing. Thankfully I had already washed out my conditioner. Then he told me Christy was waiting to talk to me. I jumped out and grabbed the phone. (Very thankful we do not have a camera phone). Anyways, Christy told me we had passed and that Levi was officially ours. They had been able to locate his mom (wait that's me now), his birthmom, and she went to court. Paper signed, etc. We will be able to travel to get him in 2-4 weeks. I look forward to meeting Almaz and hearing the whole story. I am really curious how they found her, when, and where. I also sent ahead a photo album just in case they found her. I didn't think she would show up for the birthmom meeting. It brings me great joy to know she was given that album. She will know that her son is loved and she will be able to see the "great cloud of witnesses" in his life. I do still hope that she shows up to meet us in person but I realize it is very unlikely.

Several weeks before we failed court in May, I felt like God promised me He would "part the waters for Levi". I have referred to it briefly in my postings. I wanted to believe God would do it but was plagued with confusion and doubt. One thing I didn't realize when God had given me this promise was that the waters were not parted for Israel until they were completely backed up against it. No way out. The Egyptians coming for them. Then is when God chose to do his miracle...to show His glory. When God told me this promise I thought, "Awesome God's going to do it, this will be easy." Well, the past few weeks have been rather horrible but I am glad to have this story for my son. To be able to tell him about God's great love for him. That at the last minute his birthmom was found. (The judge gave us 2 weeks to find her and we could still pass court. Otherwise we would have to apply for another court appointment several months away). I am glad to tell him about his mother's love for him. That she loved him so much that she traveled 7 hours to get to court. I can't wait to hear the whole story.

So... what's next

We wait for travel dates. Probably will be end of june beginning of July.

Then we pack and get our BOY!

He's ours!!!!!!!!

2009-06-08T10:02:00.001-07:00

Levi Degefa Weiseth is officially ours! Thank you Jesus!

more later....

Big Boy!

2009-06-06T14:05:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine came home last night after picking her daughter up in Ethiopia. Her daughter was at Hannah's Hope with Levi. This morning the kids and I purchased some freshly made injera and drove it over to their house. Her sweet girl is beautiful. It was a priveledge to see them today.

She also gave me such a blessing today. She showed me pictures of "my" son. He is huge! He has hair, fat thighs, and best of all...a beautiful smile. It was only briefly that I saw the pictures but it gave me so much... The past 2 weeks have been extremely challenging emotionally, spiritually, etc. I think a part of my heart disconnected from Levi unsure if he would ever really be my son. I liken it to a pregnancy that follows a miscarriage. You want to fall in love but hold back afraid to get hurt again. When I saw those eyes, the hurt deepened but also my resolve to keep praying and hoping for him also deepened. I don't know how it is going to work out, or how long it will take. But...I love that boy! little or big...I will wait. (I am glad you all cannot see me writing this. I am a blubbering fool sobbing as I write.)

I am selfishly grieving the days and months lost. The age, day and picture that I had in my head. I am grieving what I wanted. I am grieving not holding him right now. Grieving the lack of control I have in this situation. But finally today, when I saw his face again, I was able to move beyond my own self and remember the story God has made for Levi. A story of redeption and love. Some day I will be able to tell Levi how God parted the waters for him. Waters of doubt, a missing birth mom, finances, distance, etc. I will be able to tell him that God loves him so much that he orchestrated miracle after miracle to bring him into our family.

God is also working a miracle in my heart. One moving away from worshiping comfort and self to a heart that would give anything to serve this little boy miles away in an orphange. He is giving me a new resolve, a new faith, and a whole lot of grace.

So thank you dear friend. For loving on my boy when I could not. For bringing me the best gift EVER!

Thanks also to all those who continue to pray a miracle for us. I hope to be able to share good news someday...soon?

2 weeks since court

2009-06-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

Another non-update. No news is not good news to us. We have heard NOTHING. Our caseworker is apparently preparing info about all the recent cases for Monday. Hoping to hear ANY news then.

Update and hands held up

2009-05-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

Update: We received another update from Julie today. Basically more of the same. The Government orphanage, where he was relinquished, has been unable to locate "D's" birth mom. I didn't realize this was there responsibility. I really don't know how one finds a woman in a 3rd world country, without a job, cell phone, email address etc. She supposedly lives 7 hours from Addis Ababa. Has anyone driven to her "address" to find her? Has anyone contacted her family? I have many questions with very few answers. I do know that our agency is going to start looking for her as well. Also Almaz, the director of Hannah's Hope is going to be contacting the courts to figure out what to do next. REALLY....has this not happened before? Apparently not. I thought it would be common. It's not looking hopeful in an human sense but I am holding on to a thin strand of hope that God will work it out.

Hands Held Up:

My Mother-in-law (I prefer to call her my Mother-in-grace, the most amazing, godly, wise woman I have even met. I am blessed to call her mom) reminded me of a Moses story today. After Moses leads the people out of Egypt they end up in battle with Amalek (Exodus 17). Moses sends Joshua and an army out to fight. Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of a hill. " Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses' hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. And Joshua overwhelmed Amalek and his people with the sword." (verses 11-13).

This story reminded me of a few things. First, this is a battle. This is a battle over Levi's life. The events in the next few weeks to months will greatly change his life. Secondly, I wanted to thank all you for your prayers and support. For providing a rock for Andrew and I to sit on and for holding up our arms to the Lord. I, especially, am tired and weary. I struggle daily with my ability to trust that God is soverign. I am so greatful for so many amazing people to come along side us to fight this battle. I can't express this enough. Thank you for holding me up.

2009-05-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

Since I don't really have interesting news, I thought I would share some recent photos.

Emelia and her friend Maddie

Focused Children

You know you are big for your age when...there's no where to slide

Emelia's soccer/ interpretive dance

update

2009-05-26T13:00:00.001-07:00

We received an update today from our case worker. Basically nothing new. She still cannot be located. They have no answers as to what happens next. Feeling so lost and disappointed.

2009-05-23T19:19:00.000-07:00

I have felt overwhelmingly loved the past few days. I just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and kind words. It is comforting to know we are not alone in this struggle.

Overall, I am doing better. Not sobbing every few minutes. It still breaks my heart to walk by Levi's nursery....see his crib, clothes, etc. (TMI to follow) I have breastmilk and no baby. I have been on a protocol to lactate and have milk already. :( but no baby. My daughter made a paper chain to count down our court days. She is confused why all the chains are gone and Levi is still not ours. Hard to explain to a 3 year old.

Really this could all be over next week and I will think, "geez Amber what was all the fuss". Or it could go on for months. We might even not make it before courts close in August and September. I do believe that God called us to adopt. I do not understand his plan or how He is going to work it all out. For now, I am trying to make the choice moment by moment to trust.

"Fear not, for I am with you;

I will bring your offspring from the east,

and from the west I will gather you.

I will say to the north, Give up,

and to the south, Do not withhold;

bring my sons from afar

and my daughters form the end of the earth,

everyone who is called by my name,

whom I created for my glory,

whom I formed and made." -Isaiah 43:5-7

Did not pass

2009-05-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to quickly let everyone know we did not pass court last night, as expected. I am sure everyone has a lot of questions...so do we. Here is what we know.

No one can find his mother.

We do not have another court date.

We have no timeline of how long this could take.

Please pray that she would be found.

(Beyond) Disappointing call

2009-05-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

Our case worker from AGCI called this morning to let us know they have been unable to find Levi's birth mom. In order for us to pass court in a few hours, she has to be there. The call was basically to let us know we will most likely not pass. I feel a bit confused as to what will happen next, other than a new court date. I feel so sad, confused, frustrated, hopeful yet scared. I am scared of how long this could drag on. I am sad for Levi having to spend any more time in an orphanage.

Please pray for us. Pray for a miracle...that we would actually pass court. Pray also we would firmly believe that God loves this little boy and is ultimately in control.

Court just one day away! Wednesday night

2009-05-19T13:46:00.001-07:00

This week is a big week for AGCI adoption folks. Tonight and tomorrow night there are several families with court dates. Ours is tomorrow night (the 20th here, the 21st in Ethiopia). For all you non adoption folks: we do not go to court. We have a representative, Almaz, who is also the director of Hannah's Hope. Court will take place as we are hopefully sleeping or staring at the ceiling of our bedroom. We will not know the results until a day or so later. This wait will be excruciating. Knowing a decision has been made, just not knowing what it is. Once the court decree has been made we will get travel dates. This is usually 2-4 weeks later.

Please join us in praying that we would pass court and that Levi would be officially ours. Please also pray that his birth mom would show up. It is necessary for us to pass court.

Nesting Fool!

2009-05-14T14:48:00.000-07:00

So I thought Nesting was hormonal...something that really only happened at the end of pregnancy. Well, I was wrong. I am a crazy nesting fool! I have been working room to room DEEP CLEANING. Today I got down hands and knees to clean my kitchen floor. Earlier this week we put Levi's crib together. I promptly went to Babies R Us to get bedding. It's, of coarse, washed and on the bed. I also pulled all the furniture out from our bedroom to vacuum and clean.

Since I have been deep cleaning my house I have also been deep cleaning my heart. The past few days (and hopefully will continue) I have been giving time to just Listen to my Jesus. It is easy to get in the habit of spending all our time together with me talking, praying and asking. Or simply reading without really opening my heart to what Jesus has for me. Well, in the midst of my frenzied activity I am trying to listen. To let the spirit enter my heart and truly change it. I have a lot of preparing to do for baby number 3. May Jesus enter my heart and deep clean areas to prepare me for my challenges ahead.

Nesting

2009-05-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

We are 2 weeks away from our court date! In the mean time I am busy nesting

I bought diapers, wipes and formula today.

Bought and sterilized bottles. I bought a few tempo bottles for the trip and plan on using Born Free bottles once we are home.

Got all the 3-6 month boy clothes down from the attic and washed them.

Washed the car seat cover and its ready to out in the car.

Now all I need is the call saying we passed court.

Trust AND Obey

2009-04-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

Below is a hymn my daughter learned this year at BSF. It is one of her favorite hymns. It has also become one of mine lately as I have been pushed to trust and obey. It is funny because I would think the obeying part would be the most difficult. Contrarily, the obeying has been simple compared to the trusting. We have said "yes", signed contracts, paid money and worked hard to obey God's calling for us to adopt. I have found it much more difficult to trust HIM through he process. I still find myself worrying and worrying about our upcoming court date. It really does no good. God is sovereign. This simple hymn has been my prayer and encouragement. I hope it encourages other obedient followers who need to lay their worries aside.

Trust and Obey (Hymn by John Sammis 1887)

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,

What a glory He sheds on our way!

While we do His good will, He abides with us still,

And with all who will trust and obey.

Refrain

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way

To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,

But His smile quickly drives it away;

Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,

Can abide while we trust and obey.

Refrain

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,

But our toil He doth richly repay;

Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,

But is blessed if we trust and obey.

Refrain

But we never can prove the delights of His love

Until all on the altar we lay;

For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,

Are for them who will trust and obey.

Refrain

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.

Or we’ll walk by His side in the way.

What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;

Never fear, only trust and obey.

Refrain

Big changes at our house

2009-04-21T18:04:00.000-07:00

2 days ago my oldest, Emelia stated..."I want to sleep in Charlie's room." I thought she was just bring silly. Then she became quite insistent that she wanted to sleep with her brother. So in the middle of the afternoon Andrew and I moved Emelia's bed and possessions to her brothers room. I am still waiting for her to change her mind.

She left her peaceful, beautiful princess pink room to be crammed in with her brother. Pink walls were exchanged for blue. Emelia used to spend at least 2 hours in her room during the day just playing alone (by her choice). She now has really no space to be alone except her closet (where I found her hiding today). What would possess this little girl to make such a crazy choice? Well for starters she is only 3. Not much logical thinking yet. Other than that she just states , "I won't be lonely at night." She longs so much for a night time companion that she will give up all personal space to have that. I wonder how many kids around the world would give up ANYTHING to have a brothers room to move into?

I guess Levi will get his own room with pink walls until someone else moves in with him.

A little reminder and Ethiopian Music

2009-04-17T14:17:00.000-07:00

Adoption Fundraiser: Wine Tasting

Just a reminder: Our adoption fundraiser is tomorrow 4/18 from 11am-10pm. please come taste some Ethiopian wines, injera and Ethiopian spiced popcorn. We will also be tasting wines from South Africa. The tasting starts at 6pm but sales all day will benefit us. Hope to see many of you there.

Where: WineStyles Canyon Park (for directions and map go to website)

www.winestyles.net/canyonpark

Ethiopian music

I bought this album off iTunes (also available on amazon) and love it! Highly recommend to anyone who wants to listen to some ethiopian grooves.

Court Date!

2009-04-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

Mark your calenders....May 21st is our court date. 5 weeks from today! Hopefully that day Levi will officially be ours forever. If we pass court we will travel 2-4 weeks later to pick him up. On to more waiting....

Levi Update!

2009-04-13T20:02:00.000-07:00

We received an unexpected email today with an update of Levi. It said he a quiet boy that likes to sit in his bouncy seat and watch the other children. He has plumped up quite a bit since coming to Hannah's Hope. He also has a VERY bald spot on the back of his head. The update also included a few pictures that I cannot post here.

With all good news there comes an anxiety in my head.

When I hear he likes to sit in his bouncy seat I think.....he is not getting held enough or enough attention.

When I hear about his bald spot I worry he is always on his back.

Parenting from afar is crazy difficult. It is only parenting with prayer. When my kids had bald spots I did something. When they looked bored I entertained them. We mothers (and fathers) are always thinking and doing things for our children. Meting their needs even before they know it.

I want so badly to hold him so much that his cute hair can grow back.

Happy 3 Months Levi!

2009-04-09T14:06:00.000-07:00

Our little boy is 3 months old today... maybe. (His B-day is approximate.)

I wonder what he is learning. Maybe smiles, rolling over, sucking his thumb. I just stare at his big eyes and wonder...will I really get to bring him home?

At every step along this adoption journey I have wanted to get to the next step. In my head I would tell myself, "it will be easier, more enjoyable, etc". The truth is every step closer so far has gotten more difficult. It is so much more emotional on this side of the referral. We have that face to look at and it is sooooo wonderful. But with every glance and joy from seeing him is the heartbreak of not being with him right now. The heartbreak of knowing what he has lost, what his birth mom has lost, and the precious time we have lost.

I am hopeful that we will hear about our court date this week or next. Maybe then it will get easier.... :).

Feeling foggy

2009-04-06T13:47:00.001-07:00

Do you ever feel like your brain is somewhere other than your body? Foggy? confused? distant?

So you sleep, drink coffee, take a shower and it seems fixed.

What do you do when its your heart that is somewhere else?

It's not that I don't love my family or life. I just feel divided. Life here and then my son in Ethiopia. It's hard to present 100% of the time when I am in my heart holding, singing, praying and loving on my boy.